My god that guilt for not liking one's mother. I have heard from countless people "you'll miss her when she's gone", and I think "will I?" And I remember her saying "you'll understand when you have kids." Alas I failed in that department. I feel guilt and then nothing followed by sadness for her because she's missing out on life. Thanks for showing this very different view of motherhood. And is it different when you have kids?
I did ring her when I had my kids, and apologise for all my terrible behaviour, because no matter what, parenting is unconscionably hard. So there was that difference. I have complete understanding why she took refuge in her work.
My god that guilt for not liking one's mother. I have heard from countless people "you'll miss her when she's gone", and I think "will I?" And I remember her saying "you'll understand when you have kids." Alas I failed in that department. I feel guilt and then nothing followed by sadness for her because she's missing out on life. Thanks for showing this very different view of motherhood. And is it different when you have kids?
I did ring her when I had my kids, and apologise for all my terrible behaviour, because no matter what, parenting is unconscionably hard. So there was that difference. I have complete understanding why she took refuge in her work.
Although I was lucky on this score and I use the musical term to express how you reach me, Eleanor, with you chords, like a song: "heart and soul".
Xx
Mother guilt? Oh yeah. I relate to THAT one, big time!!
https://reallife82.substack.com/p/a-note-about-my-mother
I felt this one. Similar childhood structure to you. Still daring myself to write about the narcissist. Thanks for this.
Oh guilt. So difficult and so useless. I’ve got rid of most. But it’s a fuckery
It’s a fuckery. So boring. Annoying. Useless
It’s fun when those around still try to pile it on. I fall for it for all of around five minutes these days 😬