It’s all I’ve got. Said to me by a friend whose back’s against the wall in every which way, who’s running out of money, and time to become well when I said she could give up vaping. It’s all I’ve got. I’ve become stern in my middle age. I don’t waste time pussy-footing around with things I’ve got to say, however misguided, ignorant or harsh they might be. I’d rather be wrong than silent. That phrase is a tell, it’s a great big red flag stuck in the ground. I used to say it about my three glasses of wine and three spliffs of an afternoon while the children had tech time. I was so lonely, so disconnected, so craving for that sweet spot of feeling something mattered. I didn’t know, was completely oblivious to the fact that it’s all I’ve got was standing in the way of having what I wanted. And here’s another one - I’ve just done it inadvertently - the use of the possessive over an inanimate object, the thing I clung to as if it alone was saving me from drowning. My wine. No one’s going to take my wine away. It’s all I’ve got. If you’ve heard yourself say these phrases, and you’re unhappy with your relationships - those with yourself, others, your life, the world consider putting down the thing that you’re gripping like a baby with its comfort blanket and picking up that baby instead, the one that’s in need of comfort. Pick it up for ninety days. Hold it every time it cries. Tell it you are always happy to see it. And if after ninety days you’d rather hold the blanket instead, then fine. You’ll have learnt something.
Discussion about this post
No posts
I wonder about this sometimes. I've face a number of addictions, some longer than others. At the moment it's vaping weed at night. I'm married, no kids, so it's not getting in the way of anything. I read books and write. It's not a problem right now. If it becomes a problem, I hope I'll find the strength to stop it as I've done in the past.
heartbreakingly beautiful.