I think I know who the Green Woman is. When I saw her last week, I told her I’d seen me as a baby in my vast wooden cot and as I spoke, I remembered how the Green Woman had appeared and lifted me out and held me in her arms, and I put two and two together. It’s the tempo of them both that gives it away, she in this world where I type, and she in the world where I go. It’s the same. I’ll never tell her, this ally who moves across worlds with me. It would be awkward. So this time when we met, my healing somatic woman and I, off we went into the strings and tensions of my nervous ends and I was back in the room with me in the cot but this time I lifted me out and took me outside into the garden of the low-beamed cottage where the Angel, huge as always, held out its hands to take small me, and carried me into the field where the ridge in the Cresta Run made our toboggans take off. But this vision was late summer, the air still and warm, the harvest already in. My Somatic Green Healing Woman said, how do you feel? and it was odd, I didn’t have words, I had sensations which I associate now with fear, anger, confusion but in this somatic-embedded state it was like landing on Mars and not speaking the language. I described a fuzziness, a sensory haze and she said you’re wandering in the messiness of preverbal trauma and although that sounds awful, I loved it, the phrase, because it explained it exactly. I spent the session standing in the field watching the Angel hold small me, the dominate emotion a cloudy, invisible threat, what is this, as if I had walked into cobwebs in the dark, so odd in the vision of sunshine. No wonder the amygdala stands up and looks, no wonder I was on guard. Yesterday a friend came to lunch and brought me What Is It That Will Last, the work of Julie Brook recorded in photographs, her collaboration with nature. We talked about how the artist focuses, why is answered because I must and these fires she builds in water last as long as the sea rises. And these fires I build in words last as long as the eye pauses.
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The intertwining of your past and present, with the Green Woman as a common thread, is an interesting approach.